Fullmetal VS Flame: Strip Poker Style
by HeartlessRockstarXIII
Summary: Alphonse opens the door to Roy's office and gets a shocking surprise! My crappy attempt at humor, at midnight whilst tired and hyped on caffine at the same time... Not Ed/Roy even though it might look like it at first.


**Hey, it's HeartlessRockstarXIII again. This hit me out of the blue around midnight, and I just HAD to write it... Especially considering Hawkeye held me at gunpoint until I finished it... No, I kid, but anyway, let's get to the point. I hope you all enjoy my rather un-funny sense of humor. :)**

**Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me, I'm just torturing them for my own sick amusement.**

**ON WITH THE SHOW!**

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"Um... Brother... Colonel Mustang... Um, I don't think that's what couches are supposed to be used for..."

Edward Elric and Roy Mustang were holed up in the latter's office for over half an hour without so much as an insult or shout from either man. Which was highly unusual. Which is also why poor Alphonse Elric was sent to check on his elder brother and his commanding officer, to make sure they hadn't killed eachother. Al wasn't too sure of what was going on, but when 2nd Lieutenant Jean Havoc walked up to the door and saw the scene before them, he reached up and sheilded Al's no longer virgin eyes. By then, Breda, Furey, Falman, Hughes, Armstrong, and even 1st Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye were crowding around the door. There wasn't a soul there who could believe what they were seeing...

The Fullmetal Alchemist and the Flame Alchemist were sitting on the lavish couch in the middle of the room, the younger almost completely naked, in nothing but boxers and socks. The elder was a little better dressed, with the addition of combat boots. both held cards in their hands, and seemed to be trying to sneak a peek at what cardboard slips the other man was grasping. The two alchemists realized that they were being watched, and turned to face their fellow officers.

"Um... We can totaly explain... I swear..."

"Yeah, Colonel Bastard here bet me that I couldn't win against him in a game of poker! So naturally I have to prove the smug jackass wrong! And to make things more interesting, we decided on STIRP poker!"

"Your not doing a very good job of winning, Fullmetal... And just who the hell are you calling a jackass!"

The crowd at the door just stared, still in total shock, at the two as they began to fight. Riza snaped out of her daze and pulled her gun from it's hip holster. She pointed at them and threatened to shoot if they didn't calm down immediately. Everyone else backed up, but in the large office, it was still a game of Fullmetal vs. Flame, seeing as how they hadn't heard the poor lieutenant over their boisterous shouting and name calling.

"Excuse me sirs, but," Riza said pulling a megaphone from out of thin air, "*screech* CEASE AND DESIST IMMEDIATELY OR I WILL SHOOT!"

At that, the onlookers felt it wise to dissapear, and the warring alchemists screeched to a halt.

"Dammit Lieutenant, must you be so loud!"

"We're stoppin', We're stoppin'. Just please put the gun down!"

"Good." Hawkeye said as she put away her weapon and the megaphone.

"Good day sirs."

And with that, even the Lieutenant dissapeared, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

"Well that was interesting..."

"Yeah, and if they hadn't barged in when they did, I woulda won Colonel Bastard!"

"For the last damn time Fullmetal, you will show me some goddamn respect!"

"Fat chance, old man!"

"Don't make me come back in there sirs!" Hawkeye shouted from the hallway.

The two officers began to redress themselves, quietly exchanging insults the whole time. After Edward and Roy composed themselves, they shook hands, agreeing to settle their bet after buisiness hours. The golden-haired teen walked out of the brunette's office, and rejoined his armor clad brother in their barracks, formulating a plan to get Mustang to lose. The afore mentioned Colonel returned begrudgeingly to his paperwork, thinking of a way to cheat his way to victory. The remaining soldiers vowed that from this day forward, they would never go near the colonel's office again. Especially, when it was too quiet for comfort.

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**Alrighty then... Like I said, it was midnight when I wrote this... I got no idea whatsoever where this crap came from... Hope you enjoyed. Peace out! ~HeartlessRockstarXIII**


End file.
